Thursday, December 27, 2007

Post Christmas - on to Florida

Christmas was lovely, BUT, I have to be honest and say I felt tremendous relief when the day was over. I have no idea why the holiday makes me feel so stressed. I am surrounded by many I love and beside the man I love but I still had an underlying anxiety. Perhaps it is all the expectations which are put on me (I do this to myself!!) and others at this time but I just want to love my family and friends and give gifts when I am inspired not when I am required.

Christmas Eve I made a lovely dinner and shared it with LM and his friend, Bob. Christmas morning we shared a leisurely breakfast and looked back on Christmases past for LM with his beloved Lillian and then rejoiced in the new life we share and all the promise of each day to come.
Our first stop was to see LM's daughters and share gifts, then on to my son's in Sagamore Beach.
Our dinner, beautifully prepared by my daugher-in-law and son was delicious and it was heartwarming to see Dad enjoying his day, and we really enjoyed our time with baby, Samantha who is now 9 months and trying so hard to walk. The cats were quite taken aback by the baby toddling around and their reactions were pretty funny. Pictures of that to be posted soon!

LM received a Tom Tom navigation system for the car and it will be really useful on our trip to FL which launches Saturday morning at 5 am. We can hardly wait to be "on the road".
There will be many stops and visits with family as well as treasured time alone. I think we are both ready for renewal of our spirits and peace.
We will be in Naples FL for New Year's Eve. No resolutions, no time limits, just love to be shared with each other, family and friends.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Christmas Surprise

I arrived home tonight to find tiny lights shining through the window of my darkened house. This being the anniversary of Mum's birth and death, I had been in a reflective mood all day. LM called many times to be sure I was OK and work kept my mind fairly distracted. Also, there were some nice Christmas comments and gifts from clients to make the day even better.

When I saw this sweet little tree, I knew immediately that LM had been by to sprinkle more love on my life. He has made everyday (and night!) Christmas since we have been together. There is also another tree in my sitting room! How nice it feels to be the recipient of such thoughtfulness. LM had a busy day today but he found the time to come all the way over to my house and plan this little surprise for me. It made me cry tears of happiness.

I called Dad to see how he was faring on this day and he was a bit down but was doing his usual activities so hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for him.

Worked on the recipe collection for the cookbook today and also put some thought into doing some Christmas baking. I will make trifle to take for Christmas Day dessert.

Being mired in terrible debt from the bills for my oral surgery, I had planned to just breeze right by Christmas but I guess I have no choice but to get in the spirit. How can I help it now that I am so loved and in love with such a wonderful man?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Joy and Peace

Tomorrow is my Mum's burthday and Thursday is the anniversary of her death. Last year marked five years since she left us and it was the hardest year to mark these dates. I cried for weeks and felt very bereft. This year it feels completely different. Most likely it is just a pattern of the grief process, but I think it is due in large part to the incredible love which fills my heart and soul right now. Each day, new aspects of this love unveil themselves and I have moments of wanting to cry because it feels so good, so right. I still have the feeling I want to call Mum to tell her about all this happiness I feel, to tell her how right she was that I would know when true love came along....I would "just know". Depsite the fact that I have had many, many serious relationships in my life, I NEVER knew anything like what I feel now with LM. Best of all, he feels the same way and lets me know that everyday in so many ways.

Chirstmas will be a lot happier this year. Dad is happy and doing relatively well healthwise right now. He continues to thrive at assisted living and takes part in lots of activities. We cannot believe he will be joining us for another beautiful Christmas at my son and daughter-in-law's house. Each of my children are in happy places, my beautiful 10 month old granddaughter and her parents will celebrate her first Christmas with us. My oldest daughter, Anne, is happily celebrating Christmas with her husband and two sons, at their second home on the island of Eleuthera in the Bahamas. LM and his daughter, Kristi will be with my family on that day, too. What a fantastic feeling of love and family!

Knowing I will see my FL family when I visit FL with LM the first week in January is such a treat, too.

My lovely niece, Laura, sent out an e-mail to all the family today to request recipes and she is putting together a family cookbook to be published next year. This is such a wonderful tribute to Mum as many of my best recipes came from my years learning in Mum's kitchen. She was an extraordinary and adventurous cook and she loved good food. Thus, most of the family are wonderful cooks and especially my brothers!
There seems to be a peace which comes with all this joy and I am so very grateful.
And to add a comment from MS. Graysea....she is certainly happy to have such a loving new man in her life....LM even comes to visit and play with her while I am at work...he is really smitten!! JOY!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Saved by Surgery

The onslaught of treats, gift baskets, etc is in full swing at the office! The fact that I can not eat much is saving me from the usual 5 lb gain during this time...we get some seriously good stuff daily but all of it is passing right by me this year. Ahhhhhhh.

The infection appears to be thrush/candida set up by the fact that I have been on such huge doses of anti-biotics off and on for the last 1.5 years....first during and after my knee replacement and then prepping each time for dental procedures, then when I had pneumonia in September. It really got to me this week as my mouth is burning and in pain. There appears to be a bit of relief with the use of Nystatin rinse. I have also begun taking B12 and a natural supplement. This is all making me very tired and off my game.

Have only one Christmas event this weekend which will find us in Provincetown on Saturday to visit old friends. We hope to walk in the town afterwards to see the Christmas lights but we are expecting a major nor'easter storm so the walk may be pre-empted.

Time to sleep. A purry Ms. Graysea awaits me.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Road Trips and Such

My recovery from the surgery in my mouth had been going quite well until last week when I began to have severe burning and pain in my entire mouth. Suffered it out over the weekend as we had a full schedule of parties and other holiday-related events, but by this morning, I had to call the doctor. He is not sure what is happening....there are several theories and we have begun a treatment of rinsing which may attack several of the suspected issues. Meanwhile, work is a challenge as I need to talk so much and my mouth is also painfully dry. I will also begin eliminating certain foods from my diet which can cause further irritation. It is very possble that the huge amounts of anti-biotics which I have had to take over the last year and a half have upset the balance in my body and set up a highly acidic environment allowing bad bacteria to flourish and kill off the good. Time will tell but I am most anxious to be well before the holiday AND the long-awaited trip which Lou and I are taking to FL. There has been prolonged stress with worrying about Dad, pneumonia 2 months ago, surgery and also the stress related to all of a sudden being thrust into this beautiful exciting love which has encompassed my life. It is a major change, albeit delightful, thrilling and so cherished!

We leave on Dec 29 and will be driving a lovely new BMW convertible to Naples, FL for a dear friend of LM's. We will stop to visit my brother in Baltimore on the way down. Once we get to Naples we will have time to rest at the beach and enjoy some warmth. On the return trip we will rent a nice car and make a lot of stops to visit friends and family, including my daughter and former schoolmates of LM's. We are looking forward to a fun-filled time as we both love being on the road and it will be our first long road-trip together.

Last weekend's parties were great....the first was my office party and it was quite enjoyable....I am often uneasy in those situations, even though I work with the nicest people in the world. This time was different with LM by my side. Saturday night was a party with people I used to work with and where I met LM. Fun to see everyone and they are still having a field day with the fact that we are now a couple. So many years have passed since we first met and became friends.

Last night we took LM's daughter, Kristi to the Festival of Lights at Heritage Museum and Gardens in Sandwich. She just loved it and we enjoyed the walk on what turned out to be a pleasant winter evening to be outside. Fun to hold both their hands and be in the center of so much love. I am a very fortunate woman!
On to recovery.

So the challenge is to get better right now, prepare for the holiday and try to keep it low key and stressless.